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Searching for bleeding edge naming news, we turn to that eternal source of befuddlement, the Landor naming portfolio. Landor proudly lays claim to a total of 18 naming jobs on their website, 16 of which date from 2001 or earlier. The remaining 2 are proving difficult to date:

Fillboard (TM filed 1998)

Astrium (not a gay bar – 2000)

Tality (again, not a gay bar – 2000)

Chancellor Academy (date unknown. only web reference to this name change resides here)

Certegy (2001)

Clarica (1999)

Exostar (2000)

EverCare (1999)

Advantix (TM filed 1995)

Durex (yes, the penis people – 1998)

Midea Group (“Formal registration and application of the brand” – 1981 )

ProNational Insurance (1998)

Spherion (2000)

Techint/Tenaris (2001)

Pactiv (1999)

Flipside (circa 2000, dead dotcom)

Uniqa (1999)

Wildlife Conservation Society – We can’t pin a date on this donkey, they had been calling themselves “WCS”, an acronym for Wildlife Conservation Society. Landor stepped in and “Landor urged the Wildlife Conservation Society to boldly and consistently embrace its full name, and forego the acronym.”

We’re not ready to officially classify advising the Wildlife Conservation Society to call themselves the Wildlife Conservation Society as a naming job, but without it Landor is left with Chancelor Academy as the only possible naming job since ’01 in their portfolio, so we’ll let it slither in.

Says Blandor the Imponderable: “Fools! Naming is about quality, not quanity! I’ll stack my portfolio up against any random name generator software anytime! As for not being currant, it’s cranberry juice I need, and in copious quantities. Your ignorance has inflamed my condition”

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The following holiday post is branding and naming free. Every few years you get lucky.

As a former Upstate New Yorker and recovering Buffalo Bills fan, I still get an atavistic chill the moment the “snowball in hell” playoff scenarios are laid bare, signaling the arrival of the holidays.

Bills fans have a lot to think about right now, but anyone who can keep these thoughts in their heads is probably not a real Bills fan, scientifically speaking. It’s a bit of a Zen koan (don’t bother to look that up Bills fans, it just leads to more questions) in that passing the test eliminates you from real fandom. I’m especially filled with the spirit this year by columnist Chris Brown’s irony-free opening statement:

“By now virtually everyone knows what the Bills need this week concerning help for the playoffs.”

He then proceeds with the list of convolutions as if it were common knowledge (I’m convinced that it is) in Buffalo. From the Bill’s website:

I was under the assumption that if Denver and the Jets win this weekend that the Bills would be eliminated from playoff contention even if Buffalo beats Tennessee. However, that’s not necessarily true.

By now virtually everyone knows what the Bills need this week concerning help for the playoffs.

Bills beat Tennessee

Denver beats Cincinnati

Miami beats Jets

New England beats Jacksonville

Under this scenario the Bills would control their own destiny and basically concede one of the Wild Card spots to Denver who beat the Bills in a 9-7 tiebreaker.

Now if the worst happens and the Jets win this weekend along with Denver, Buffalo, with a win, still would not be out of the playoff race provided Kansas City wins.

If Kansas City wins Saturday night over Oakland (likely) they would keep the Bills alive even if Denver and the Jets win. The reason why is Kansas City would hold the tiebreaker edge on Denver (division record) should there be a three-way tie with Buffalo, Kansas City and Denver at the end of the season.

In that case the tie between the AFC West teams would be done first. Kansas City would eliminate Denver, leaving Buffalo and KC. Buffalo beats KC on conference record tiebreaker and could get the 6th and final playoff spot.

However, if there is a four way tie at 9-7 with KC, Denver, Bills and Jets, and the Jets 9th win came against Miami, the Bills would be out. Because again matching the division teams against one another first the Jets would eliminate Buffalo due to a better division record (4-2 to 3-3).

So if Denver and the Jets win this weekend along with the Bills, you’ve got to hope that Kansas City won on Saturday night.

Then the final week the best thing to hope for is for the Jets to win (vs. Oakland) and finish 10-6 and take the fifth playoff spot. Then have Denver lose (to SF) and KC win (over Jax) and with a Bills win they could take that last playoff spot on three-way tiebreaker.

If Kansas City loses Saturday night and the Jets and Denver win this weekend, Buffalo will be eliminated from playoff contention no matter what.

IT MIGHT BE BETTER IF BALTIMORE LOSES SUNDAY: A loss by Baltimore to Pittsburgh might ultimately better for the Bills too. If Baltimore loses Sunday and Indianapolis beats Houston (likely) and San Diego wins at Seattle (possible) then Baltimore has nothing to play for. They will be locked in as the third or fourth seed and will have to play one of the Wild Card teams.

I understand Baltimore could get a first round bye with a win and an Indy loss to Houston this weekend, but that seems more unlikely. No matter what Baltimore does, it’s not a huge deal, like that Miami-Jets game is Monday night.

And if you’re worried about Pittsburgh finishing 9-7 don’t be. The Steelers conference record at best can be 6-6 if they win out. Buffalo would beat them with a 7-5 conference record.

Though Upstaters are well practiced in the outlined logic stream, the ability to grasp it generally coincides with a spiritual readiness to leave the area. From everyone at Igor in San Francisco, have a good holiday.