Activia: A mystery wrapped in an enema


Activia yogurt’s latest sales pitch:

Enjoying Activia twice a day for two weeks as part of a balanced diet and healthy lifestyle may help reduce the frequency of minor digestive discomfort, which includes bloating, gas, rumbling, and abdominal discomfort.

“Twice a day”. “May help”. “Minor discomfort”.  And a partnership with goop, so you know it’s Certified Nebulous.  It’s a long way from their original enticement, which the FTC forced them to change and pay a 21 million dollar fine for deceptive advertising:

“Why should I Switch to Activia? If you have ever suffered from even occasional irregularity, then you should try Activia. Only delicious Activia has the exclusive culture Bifidus Regularis and is clinically proven to help with slow intestinal transit when eaten every day for two weeks, as part of a balanced diet and healthy lifestyle.

That was the baffling value prop, that Activa relieves constipation in only two weeks…only two weeks… only two weeks to wait for constipation relief….

Pass.  Give me the Fleet with real blueberries, An Enema of the People. (sorry Henrik).


Give the ladies what they want

The marketing geniuses at Neutrogena, realizing how crowded the women’s skin care product sector is, have been selling vibrators. But not just any vibrator, a vibrator that a woman can, with head held high, take through airport security, buy at the drugstore, and leave in plain sight for the kids to find. Brilliant.

It’s the Neutrogena Wave, a sex toy with plausible deniability built-in.

Here’s to wiggle room: