Just finished reading the funny new novel, “Who moved my Blackberry?”. It’s a satire on modern corporate life, written entirely as a collection of emails to and from the main character.
The emails circulated by “The Rebrand Steering Committee” in its search for a new corporate name, brand and logo are terrifyingly realistic. From pages 35 to 39 of “Who moved my Blackberry?”:
JANUARY 22
From: Cindy Czarnikow
To: All StaffHi everyone!
I am phenomenally excited to announce that today we are inviting all of you, the people of our global family, to choose A& B’s new name via an on line jamming session, let by Christo Weinberg, our brilliant UK brand ambassador. This is going to be a high-engagement, high-energy, all-employee process. We have chosen a competition because we want to make sure our new name is not just best of breed but uniquely fits our culture.
Does this mean that the work with Beyond the Box has been wasted? Far from it. We have learned a lot from the process, but now feel it is time to move on.
Some co-colleagues have asked me what the winning name will be like. That’s up to you!! But I hope it will be global, proactive, hypercreative and caring.
There are some phenomenally exciting prizes including a workshop in circus skills, and a free feng shui makeover of your master bedroom.I’m smiling at you
CindyFrom: Martin Lukes
To: Cindy CzarnikowCindy – Can I just correct something in your message? Christo is not our brand ambassador. As director of marketing that role falls to me. As you know, from a hierarchical point of view, I don’t mind about these things – I only mention it because it is best to avoid confusion where possible. I’ve been mentoring Christo since the beginning of the year, and would be delighted to help keep him on track with this new assignment!
All my very bestest
MartinJANUARY 23
From: Christo Weinberg
To: All StaffHi!
There are unbelievable riffs coming out of this process! I’m forwarding to you some of the on line jamming session. Really mellow! Keep it coming!I’d like to kick things off by suggesting “a and b global.” It is a win win name. Modern, traditional and global… (Keith Buxton, UK chairman)
I’m comfortable with it. It clears my two hurdles – it underlines our commitment to diversity, and is passionately caring. (Faith Preston, Director for People)
Re: a and b global, it takes a long time to say (5 syllables), it involves too many key strokes. (Roger Wright, Finance Director)
How’s about “a.b. global”? It’s funkier than Keith’s suggestion and shorter, authoritative, and has instant impact. (Christo Weinberg, marketing manager)
Thank you Christo! I buy into that! That sure has made my pulse race. (Cindy Czarnikow, Leader of Rebrand)
I feel this debate goes to the very heart of what we are trying to do as a company. Let me suggest an alternative: a-b global. The hyphen has more heart than a full stop. It shows that we can move quickly and that we are unerring in our attention to detail. (Martin Lukes)
The hyphen has no place in the company history. (Roger Wright)
This discussion is ongoing. Please continue to add riffs of your own.
Keep it mellow!
Christo WeinbergFrom: Martin Lukes
To: Sylvia WoodsSylvia — If you are determined to leave us, I can’t stop you.
Martin
PS I found that list of school dates at the bottom of my briefcase.
All forgiven! Mea culpa!!!From: Cindy Czarnikow
To: All StaffHi!
This is an exciting day! The Rebrand Steering Committee, in conjunction with Barry, have considered two sensational options: a.b. global, and a-b global, and I would like to give you a heads up that we have decided the name best aligned with our PPP values is a-b global. When the designers have worked on a logo we will be ready to start rolling it out!I’m smiling at you!
CindyFrom: Martin Lukes
To: Barry MaloneHi Barry
I’m delighted that you like a-b global – you may not be aware that I am actually the man behind the hyphen! As my coach says, sweat the small stuff – the devil’s in the detail!All my very bestest
MartinJANUARY 29
From: Martin Lukes
To: Rebrand Steering CommitteeI’ve seen the roughs of our new logo from the design team and the designers have put the name under a square root sign, which, though innovative, represents a cultural dissonance with our core values.
I suggest that we build on the success of the hyphen by having a circumflex over the a and an umlaut over the o, so that the name would appear: a-b glöbâl. This is an exhilarating option that would provide a feelgood factor for our stakeholders globally.All my very bestest
MartinFrom: Roger Wright
To: Rebrand Steering CommitteeHi! Although I am not myself a student of modern languages, I understand that the umlaut suggested by Martin Lukes would make the word pronounced “gloerbal,” which does not work in any language. The circumflex is now obsolete in France and as a forward-looking company, we are not seeking association with the past.
Roger Wright
Finance DirectorFrom: Cindy Czarnikow
To: Rebrand Steering CommitteeI love Martin’s solution! I think it’s really cool! I think these accents will encourage our global stakeholders to want to love, and live, our brand!
Cindy
“He’s viciously ambitious,” the author says. “He thinks he’s great fun. He thinks he’s got a terrific sense of humor. He’s desperately un-PC but thinks he’s a huge diversity champion.” And he’s “absolutely clueless” about his shortcomings, Kellaway says.
All perfect traits for someone who works for a company that’s very busy making nothing in particular. In a bid to stand out, he devises a whole new concept, which he dubs “creovation” — half creativity, half innovation.
“Creativity and innovation are the two great things that all corporations make such a song and dance about…,” Kellaway says. “They all talk in such a ghastly way, which is often a substitute for thinking. And when they come up with an idea that they genuinely think is creative, it’s laughable.”
Case in point, the creovation that creovated “Ecomagination“.
Who Moved My Blackberry”, on sale at Amazon
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